What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
