I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
