I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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