you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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