I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You took a bar mat shot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
