I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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