HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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