You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
