ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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