Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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