Got a toothbrush?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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