I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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