Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
