Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
