By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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