Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its not stalking. its research.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
