I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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