Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize