Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
