I hate your face
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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