im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
