I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
