booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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