How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
