Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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