I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
