You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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