i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
