White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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