we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
