Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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