She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
