Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You pole danced in your parka.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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