my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
