Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
