shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
