"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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