Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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