thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
