wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize