Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
