Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
