Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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