I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We left an ass print on the piano.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
