Umm I'm too high to move.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
