so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
