When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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