Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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