I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize