meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
