i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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