so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
