I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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