I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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