my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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