Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
