i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
