Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
