i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
