he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
