Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
