You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
