....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
