we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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