apparently the secret to your success is patron
home. puking in laundry basket.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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