I bet he comes in French.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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