I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
